The Fall of Schwarz
by Pyrochan
Summary: Just a really odd, yet funny fic I wrote a couple years ago...I found a missing scene that I had written in my notebook and typed that part up today. Schwarz attempt to go on vacation. ^^;;;


Author's Notes (present): Once again, I was digging through my folder of old never-before-seen-by-the-public fics. Yay! Well here it is...I found a Schwarz fic that I wrote a couple years ago. It's soooo stupid though = Pyrochan must've been on crack when she wrote this. __ The story really makes no sense, but it's all quite funny in my opinion. Really the only reason I'm posting it here is because of the ridiculous humor... 

Author's Notes (past): How can I sum this up? Very OOC-ness and I think Bradley's mind got switched with one of lesser intelligence (like Tot? No...that's another fic to be written someday). I especially let him be OOC and the rest followed. ^_^ Please don't hate me for such OOC-ness and randomness. I was having so much fun! 

Disclaimer: These bishounen do not belong to me. *sobs* They belong to Takehito Koyasu *swoons* and Project Weiss and whoever owns them that I didn't list here. Speaking of which, I'm sure someone has written something similar to this (like someone hasn't conceived this idea). I don't plagiarize fics. I didn't copy this from someone else's work, so if it looks similar, don't email me with a 'You %#^%$&%*-ing copycat' message or something.

__

"...telepathic speech..."

thoughts

EMPHASIS

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****

The Fall of Schwarz

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"You want what?" Takatori asked, raising an eyebrow.

"A vacation," Brad answered firmly.

"I don't know about that. Such a request is no where in your contract," Takatori said, as he started to braid his unruly sideburns. 

Brad's lower lip quivered and his eyes filled up with tears, "I'll tell my mom on you! The woman's old but if she can still kick my ass, she can kick yours!"

"Not your mom!!" Takatori shook in fear. Of all of Schwarz' mommies and daddies that he had met on 'Meet your son's boss' day, old Mrs. Crawford had been downright frightening. She was a senile old woman who thought she was an ex-ninja and could prove it if you doubted her. 

Takatori shuddered at the memory of him being kicked into the wall behind his desk, "Fine!! Have your vacation. Paid too!"

Brad's eyes grew wide with joy, "Thank you!!!"

Then the American ran out of the building to where the Schwarz-mobile was parked.

Schuldig watched in awe as the high and mighty Schwarz leader dashed about his bedroom, throwing clothes in a suitcase.

"So...uh...where ya going Brad?" Schuldig asked, as he leaned against the door jamb.

"Don't you mean where are WE going, Guilty?" Brad paused, looking at the redhead.

"Us too?! Hey, don't call me that!"

Brad kept a serious expression on his face, "That's your name isn't it?"

"No, well yes, kind of...Nevermind! Why are we going on vacation anyway?"

Brad drew in a deep breath, "Because...Look at this, look at this-- I broke a NAIL just from TYPING. And see? I was up ALL night filing papers that YOU were supposed to do, so I got all these paper cuts," he paused, holding up his hands so Schuldig could see, "Kiss 'em and make it all better?"

Schuldig stood there in silence. Had the American finally lost it? Well, this would be a good time to seduce him and take advantage of the situation. He grinned to himself.

Unfortunately, the two were interrupted by the sound of crashing furniture.

"Braaaaaaaaaaadddd!!!!" Nagi shouted.

Both Brad and Schuldig ran to the living room. Nagi stood in his 'I float stuff' stance, using his powers to keep Farfello from moving.

"What happened?" Schuldig asked.

Nagi glared and pointed at Farfello, "That MADMAN cut my hair again! Look at this!" he gestured to a patch of hair on his head that was cropped short.

Brad snapped his fingers, "Gah! I knew I was forgetting to tell you something, Nagi!"

Nagi's eye twitched, "You knew this was going to happen and you FORGOT to tell me?" Then something occured to him. Brad almost never told what he Saw unless it was life threatening or would affect him personally, "You were...going to tell me?"

"Don't even get all mushy on me about that," Brad said. crossing his arms, "Hey Guilty, get The Chalkboard and a piece of chalk."

Schuldig clenched his fists. "Would you stop that? I'm not-- nevermind..." A few minutes later, Schuldig brought out a chalkboard (you know, those large ones on wheels? They're nifty. I wish I had one) and handed the chalk to Brad. Brad scribbled some words on the board and turned to Farfello.

"Okay Farfie, you will write 'I will not cut kawaii bishounen Nagi-kun's hair unless told otherwise' one hundred times. Understand?" he passed the chalk to Farfello, who was now released from Nagi's telekinetic grasp. The Irishman nibbled a bit of the chalk, spit it out, then began writing.

"But my hair..." Nagi's face was now streaked with tears.

"Oh just put a hat on it," Brad stated flatly, his good mood now having been diminished, "I'm sure your boyfriend has one you can borrow. Maybe that ridiculous pink one, ne?

"We could always cut the rest off to match what damage has been done," Schuldig taunted, picking up the scissors and grinning at Nagi.

"Iie!"

The scissors were telekinetically yanked out of Schuldig's grip and embedded in the wall behind Brad.

"My purple wall! You put a hole in my purple wall!" Brad screamed, then turned to Nagi in anger. But his glasses didn't reflect the light to enhance the 'Brad-Crawford-glare'. He ran over to the other side of the room where the light shone better. His now shiny glasses blinding the poor telekinetic temporarily, "Nagi if you don't fix this, you will NOT be going on vacation with me, Farf, and Guilty!"

"Vacation?" Nagi asked, rubbing his eyes. Had he heard right? Brad Crawford and vacation?? "I wanna go!! Please don't leave me behind! I'll fix the wall!"

"So exactly where are we going?" Schuldig asked, breaking the silence.

Brad paused from his current train of thought, to consider an answer for Schuldig's question. Destination? He hadn't really thought of that. They'd been driving for the past three hours and Schuldig was beginning to think they were going around in circles, or worse yet, were lost.

Brad cleared his throat, "It's um...a surprise..."

"We're lost..." Schuldig groaned, putting a hand to his head.

"I, Brad Crawford, NEVER get lost!"

"Then where are we?" Farfello asked from the back seat behind Schuldig.

"We're--"

"WithOUT looking at any road signs!" Nagi said, using his telekinesis to retrieve the glasses from the Oracle's face.

"Can't see..." Brad said, a slight hint of fear rising in his voice, "Oh my god I'm BLIND!"

"Um...Brad that's not the road..."

The car swerved.

"That's not the road either Brad..."

"Give me my glasses back!!"

"You'd better give him his glasses back, Nagi."

"Cliff!"

"CLIFF?!"

"BRAD!!"

"Shiiiiiiiit!!!"

Why Brad Crawford did not go on vacation was probably because it would only end up in flames. 

By some damn miracle, they survived the drive off the cliff. Yes, a miracle. Spring Geraniums saved them, just as they saved Ken in episode five when he was thrown off his motorcycle while traveling at a seemingly high speed. (A/N: I always wondered during that scene, so I figured it must have been the flowers.)

"Give my glasses back to me right now!!" Brad shouted almost chibi-fying in anger-- half because he couldn't see, half because he couldn't do the 'shiny-glasses-effect' while he was pissed at Nagi right now.

Schuldig and Farfello both grinned in amusement as they watched Brad tackle Nagi to the ground.

"Hmm...Brad on top of Nagi makes me think hentai thoughts...which makes me horny. Since you're the only one available at the moment Farf, wanna go screw?"

"Sure," Farfello replied.

The both of them walked behind the wrecked car where nc-17 stuff then occurred.

"They're broke?!" Brad screamed.

"Gomen ne, don't kill me!" Nagi pleaded.

"Oh don't worry....there are worse things in store for you than death," Brad smirked evilly, which didn't look so evil, as he cradled his broken glasses in his hands, "Like when I See something bad about to happen to you, I purposely won't tell you."

"You do that most of the time already..." Nagi pointed out.

"Oh. Right," Brad said, glancing down at his broken glasses and wondering if he should give them a proper burial or if he should just wait until he got home and attempt to fix them. 

"Well, I suppose we should climb back up, ne?" Nagi asked.

"How are we going to climb back up this cliff?" Brad questioned, "It's all easily breakable dirt and sand and stuff here...well, except for that rather convenient patch of flowers that we and the car landed on."

"Telekinesis."

"I don't mean how are you going to climb up! How am I supposed to? I'm practically blind without my glasses because SOMEONE *glare-glare* had to go and get us in this mess in the first place. I swear, you are around Schuldig too much. You're supposed to take after me! ME! Who raised you?! I'm practically your frickin' father!"

"But...I don't want to be all anal and serious and workaholic and mean and conniving and deceptive!"

"That's what you think of me?" Brad blinked his eyes in surprise.

"Well...yeah. All of Schwarz does. Even your fangirls do."

"But I'm a badass leader! I'm AMERICAN! I'm have the best wardrobe of any assassin!" _Wait, I have fangirls? Scary..._

Nagi shook his head. Brad's eyes teared up and let his knees drop to the ground.

"Noooooooooo--owwwwwwwww!!! I kneeled on rocks!!" he scooted back a bit, dusting the rocks off his knees,"Naaaaagiiiiii~ How could you tell me this? How could you keep this from me?"

Brad's shoulders slouched in defeat. Nagi walked over and patted him on the back, offering any consolation.

"At least you don't have a girl's name..."

"..." _I guess._

"At least you don't trip when there's nothing to trip over and walk into walls. Well, there was that one time when Schuldig got you drunk, but that doesn't count."

"..." _I'm not a klutz by nature..._

"At least you're not thought of as some playboy slut.."

"..." _True._

"At least your father paid the ransom when YOU got kidnapped as a child..."

"..." _I never got kidnapped, Nagi. What are you talking about?_

"At least we don't have to keep YOU locked up in the straight-jacket at night."

"..." _No..._

"At least--"

"Nagi shut up. You're not helping anything," he could feel the oncoming of a headache. No wait, that 'headache' was Schuldig...

__

"Thinkin' about me?" Schuldig asked.

__

"Schuldig, Nagi's picking on me."

Pause. _"What'd he say?"_

__

"He's says I'm anal."

__

"That all?"

__

"Schuldig! You're supposed to be on my side! Not agreeing with this 15 year old punk!"

__

"I love you just the way you are."

__

"Where are you?"

"In your head."

"No, I mean where are you?"

"Somewhere. Just...don't go looking for me okay?"

"Are you screwing Farfello?"

"Um... It was HIS idea. Really! He threatened to rape me!"

"But Schuuuu~ you promised you wouldn't screw Farfello anymore..."

"It slipped!"

"What slipped?"

"I mean I slipped, and it slipped and...mmm...do you know how good he tastes Brad?"

"I don't want to know," Brad grimaced, then suddenly he did, _"Better than me?"_

There was no answer.

"Schuldig!"

Silence.

"SCHULDIG!"

"What? What? Can't I climax once without you calling my name?"

"No. You can't. Get off of him and get your ass over here!"

Pause. _"You want to fuck me now?"_

"No I don't want--"

"But you just said--"

"Forget what I said hentai. Get over here."

"Ja, ja. I'm comi -er- going over to where you are. Tschüß!"

The connection was cut and Brad sighed in frustration. He poked the dirt on the ground with his finger, then found great amusement in drawing in the dirt.

"Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I'm gonna eat some worms..."

Nagi's face literally turned green at Brad's statement.

"You know...I could really make Schuldig jealous... I mean, if he came over here and found me and you having sex. What do you think his reaction would be, Nagi?"

"Um...he'd probably want to join in?"

"You're a sick boy, Nagi. Are you sure you spend all your time on the computer hacking into governments and not hentai sites?"

Nagi shook his head. He'd have to be real careful from now on not to get caught. "What's all this about you screwing me? Just a few minutes ago you were claiming to be my father figure!"

"Oh yeah..." Brad said, paying more attention to his picture in the dirt, "Maybe if we forget that conversation...You know, focus on the 'now', rather than the past."

Nagi shook his head furiously, taking a few steps away from the Schwarz leader. He really didn't want to lose his virginity with this guy! Arms clasped around his shoulders and he screamed in terror. Orange locks of hair fell on his shoulders as Schuldig leaned to whisper in the boy's ear.

"Did I scare little Nagi-kins?" A nasal laugh, and Schuldig released him and walked over to Brad.

__

Jerk. Nagi thought. _And you reek of sex._

Farfello stopped next to Nagi, a grin spread across his face. Nagi raised an eyebrow figuring out where those two had disappeared. Or at least what they did. He stepped away from Farfello.

__

I'm the only sane one here...

"So whatcha drawing, Bradley?" Schuldig asked, crouching down and peering at the drawing in the dirt.

"You."

"Doesn't look like me."

"That's cause I beat you into a pulp and you're in several different pieces."

"Ah," he stood up and paced, looking at the cliff and then at the group, "So are we, like, stuck here?"

"No," Brad scratched his drawing with a stick until the drawing was erased, "There's a path up, a few miles that way." He gestured to his right.

"How do you know?"

"I told you I wasn't lost," Brad smirked, "Actually I had a vision."

"Of what?"

"A bird pooping on your head while we headed towards the path."

Schuldig stared at him in disgust.

"And no, I'm not telling you how you can avoid it."

"Bradley...my hair..." Schuldig whimpered, "Not my hair..."

"I'm kind of pissed at you right now. You should have thought about your actions earlier," he stood up, dusting the dirt from his hands and glancing at the other Schwarz members, "Ready?"

They solemly nodded, falling into step behind Brad as he lead the way.

Schuldig glanced up at the sky cautiously as the neared the path. No sign of them yet. All the way along the path, he kept looking above him.

"You keep on doing that, and the shit's going to fall on your face, rather than your head."

"I don't see any birds."

"Ohhhh...it'll arrive when you least expect it..."

Brad finally caved in, telling Schuldig that he had no such vision about a bird and that he was only trying to get even with Schuldig for fucking Farfello earlier that day. Schuldig was angered and told Brad he would not cuddle or sleep with him tonight. Brad felt kind of lonely then.

They stopped to rest when it got dark. Reaching halfway up the path, to find a small cave shelter. For being physically fit assassins, they were exhausted. Brad couldn't sleep, not with a killer on the loose. 

The killer stared at him.

He stared back.

The killer stared at him.

He stared back.

The killer stared at him.

He stared back.

The killer stared at him.

He stared back.

Finally the killer spoke.

"Can't sleep?"

"No, Farfello, I'm making sure you don't kill us in our sleep."

"I'm okay today."

Brad arched an eyebrow. 

Farfello sighed, "So why did we go on vacation anyway?"

"Because I was sick of guarding the koala-man. I was sick of fighting Weiss too. Don't you see the way that red-headed katana-wielding punk looks at me? It's unnerving! I think he's attracted to me. What is it with red-heads being attracted to me?"

"Um--"

"Is it the suit? I mean, I know I look sexy and all wearing it, but why does it attract only red-heads? And look, I'm not even wearing my suit and Schuldig is attracted to you...or Nagi! The second that I put it on, though, he's gonna want to jump my bones!"

Farfello nodded solemly, "Brad, I think we should start sharing now."

"Sharing what?"

"You see, I got these pills," he dug a plastic bottle out of his pocket and showed Brad, "They don't hurt. They just make me a little sleepy. I feel real calm then. Like I'm floating, not hanging by my ankles from the ceiling. But that could be because of blood rushing to my head too. Maybe me and you should take the pills and hang from the ceiling. We'll be like bats. And hey, you can even wear your batman costume from last year's Halloween!"

"Are you implying that I'm insane?"

"We're all insane Brad. Some of us are a little worse than others. You're starting to lose it. Even I am picking up on that now."

"This 'vacation' is only making it worse!"

"Want a pill?" he extended his hand. In his palm was a white tablet.

Thou shalt not take offerings from a madman. "No, they're yours. Keep them."

"Take the pill," Farfello said in a stern voice.

"I said no."

"Don't make me shove it down your throat."

"Don't you touch me, you psycho," Brad said warily.

Within seconds Farfello had leapt on Brad, straddling him, trying to shove the pill in his mouth. Brad screamed franticly trying to push the madman away.

"AHHHH!!! Help!! Get off of me you lunatic!!! ACK!!! NOOO!!! Stop!!! Stop it!!! Rape!!! HEY!! Schuldig!!! Get up, dammit!!!! HELP ME!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!"

Schuldig opened his eyes, which to him and his hentai mind, looked like Farf and Brad having sex...with their clothes on. Strange. He turned his head the other way, trying to block out his lover's frantic cries, "Ugh...Some of us are trying to SLEEP here, could you keep it down?!"

"Schuldig? SCHULDIG!! Get over here!!"

"No threesomes right now, Brad..." Schuldig mumbled, half between consciousness.

"Ack!! It's not like that!! No!! DON'T!!"

The screaming died down after awhile, as Farfello grinned in victory. A few minutes later, Brad was staring up dazedly at Farfello, who was still on top of him.

"Hey...I think I'm melting..." _No! No! I must fight this!_

Farfello raised an eyebrow.

"...hot. Are you warm? Why is the room spinning?" _Focus! Focus! Must stayed focused!_

"Just a few more minutes and you'll be asleep," Farfello told him, wiping the sweat and locks of hair off of Brad's forehead.

"Wanna cuddle? I kinda do." _Ew! What is this stuff? And why is it making me think that Farfello is cute?_

Farfello got off Brad and laid next to him, letting the Oracle wrap his strong arms around him. It actually felt comfortable. When was the last time he'd been cuddled? He remembered crawling up in his mother's lap when he was little. But she wasn't really his mother. She was a liar and a sinner. Put to rest at his hands.

He stopped his train of thought before it got physical, then closed his eye and drifted off to sleep.

"Aha! Call ME a cheater will you?! So what did you two do last night?" The toe of Schuldig's boot nudged Brad in the ribs. The Oracle didn't stir. Next to him, Farfello did.

"G'morning Schu," the Irishman greeted.

Schuldig sneered, "Why did Brad have his arms around you?"

"He wanted to cuddle."

"He wanted to what?? MY Brad wanted to cuddle with YOU?" He nudged Brad a little harder, "Wake up, damn you!"

"He's not going to. I gave him a pill. It's not his prescription so he should be out for the next--" Farfello looked at the non-existent watch on his wrist, "Oh, an hour."

"An hour?"

Farfello nodded.

"How are we supposed to get up the cliff now?!"

"You can carry your lover," Farfello suggested.

"I'm not carrying him! As far as I'm concerned, he's YOUR lover now. What did you two do last night?"

"Like I said, we cuddled."

Schuldig scoffed, "Liar."

"Thou shalt not lie," Farfello quoted.

"Don't gimme that crap! I'm not in the mood for it!"

"Besides, what do you call OUR fling yesterday?"

"Just that: a fling. I can cheat, but he can't. I like Brad as 'Brad-flavored', not 'Brad-flavored with a dash of Farfello in it'!"

"You won't taste me on him," Farfello rolled his eye. Which didn't look like such a gesture since he had only one eye.

Schuldig pouted for a moment, then picked up the comatose-like Brad and slung him over his shoulder. "Wake Nagi. We're leaving."

Farfello nodded and nudged the telekinetic teen with the tip of his knife, "Naaaaa~giiii...Ohhhhh...Naaaaa~giiii... Rise and shine. And if ye don't, I'm gonna cut ye pretty hair again..."

Nagi sat up quickly, ignoring the pain that surged through his body from sleeping on the cold, hard, damp ground, "Iie!!"

"We're leavin' so ye better get comin'," Farfello taunted, leaving Nagi to wipe the sleep from his eyes and stretch before following the group.

The path was slightly wet and the air smelled of moisture. None of them had awaken during the night when a short rainfall came passing through.

"Remind me," Schuldig grunted trying to keep himself and Brad's body balanced, "That if Bradley ever, ever, ever, ever mentions a vacation ever, ever, ever again to not tag along with him. He probably saw all this and planned it from the start. Bastard. I should dump his fucking body right here!"

Nagi was too drained from not getting a proper rest to carry the Schwarz leader, but he helped Schuldig the best he could using his powers.

Farfello was silent, just walking along the way, following the other two. He knew last night didn't mean a thing, but why did he feel so different than from his past experiences with Schuldig? The Oracle had been acting very strange lately, not his usual bastard self. More like a bastard who was showing emotions. And this side of Brad that Farfello was seeing...he was slowly falling in love with.

"Want that I should carry 'im?" Farfello offered, surprising himself.

"No," Schuldig answered coldly, "And erase those thoughts from your mindstream, before I erase them myself."

"You don't own him, Schuldig."

"Neither do you. He doesn't love you!"

"He doesn't love you either..."

"Shut up!" Schuldig shouted, rage burning through his voice, "I give you pleasure from time to time and this is how you thank me? Brad is mine! I love him, even if he doesn't entirely love me. Don't take him from me Farfello. Don't take him."

They walked in silence for awhile longer when Nagi collapsed.

"Can we stop please? Just for a little bit?" he asked, weakness not hidden from his voice.

"Thank you!" Schuldig breathed a sigh of relief, laying Brad's body on the ground, "I was waiting until you said that!"

He sat down next to Brad, and closed his eyes. The only thing good about this was that the voices were dimmed. Not being in the middle of Tokyo, gave him a little bit of peace. He opened his eyes when he heard a body sit next to him. Farfello.

The man looked up at the sky, the incoming clouds promised rain. Perhaps even thunderstorms.

"We're not walking home, are we?"

"Oh hell no. As soon as we get back to the road, I'm scrambling the first mind I hear. We'll take their car back to the city."

Farfello nodded.

"I know..." Schuldig whispered, "I know how you must be feeling. Even though you're a bit messed upstairs, I know you, like me, Nagi, hell even Brad, have emotions. Locked somewhere deep inside. Those feelings of loneliness, despair. It might hurt even you. You're searching for that one you can bond with. I know, I searched and found Brad. I don't know if he's THE one forever. But right now, he's the one to me."

"It...doesn't hurt. Just...a tightening, tingling feeling," Farfello admitted.

"Someday you'll find him -or her. I know it," he smiled at Farfello. A totally un-Schuldig like smile. That alone convinced the silver-haired man, even without the words.

Schuldig turned to Nagi, "Ready?"

"Are you kidding? We've been sitting for what- three minutes maybe. Who the telekinetic here? Me. Who's using most of their energy on this vacation from hell? Me. No, I am not ready," the boy answered.

Schuldig tried to hide a laugh, but it came out anyway, "The world does not revolve around you, chibi."

Nagi grumbled.

The telepath sighed and poked Brad in the ribs, "You know, Liebe, you owe me a lot of sex for this. A lot. In fact, I think you've fallen to the rank of uke for the next couple of nights." he poked Brad again, "You know, wouldn't it be gross if I was carrying a dead man all this time?" he leaned in and kissed Brad on the lips, receiving no response, "Guess that part's only in fairy tales..."

"Schu?" came a light whisper.

"Oh! We ARE destined to be together!" he straddled the Oracle's now waking body.

"Get off...Schuldig," Brad ordered.

"Oh I'll 'get off', all right," Schuldig winked at him.

"You know what I meant..." 

Schuldig complied, but only until Brad sat up. Then he was glomped again.

"Darn...it wasn't just a dream," Brad grumbled, looking around, "Wait a sec...where's the cave?"

"I carried you this far. Aren't I strong?" Schuldig answered.

Nagi coughed in the background.

"And I was just saying how you owed me for doing this for you," Schuldig informed him, in between quick kisses.

"Not right now, and in front of them..." Brad said.

Nagi yawned in boredom. 

Schuldig pouted, "Fine. Carry me?"

"Carry you?! I don't think so!"

"But I carried you all the way up here!"

"No! Let's go," Brad stood up, pushing Schuldig off of him.

"Okay..." Nagi sighed. He used his telekinesis to nudge Farfello out of a trance.

The white-haired man sat up and stretched, smirking at the couple, "Ye all better now? No more pit-stops anymore or we won't beat the rain."

"The road's not too far off," Brad told them.

"Let's go! If another bug so much as crawls on me again..." Nagi complained.

"Crybaby," Schuldig taunted.

Nagi telekineticly smacked Schuldig, causing the German to trip.

Finally, they reached the road. And how empty it was. After an hour's worth of waiting, and Schuldig's persistent begging for Brad to make out with him, a car finally came in the distance.

"Here's your cue, Schuldig." Brad told him.

The telepath closed his eyes and mentally focused on the nearing vehicle, scanning the mind within.

"It's going to be a tight squeeze on the way back, but the old woman inside will surely stop for us."

The car neared...and drove past them.

"Hey!!!" Brad, Farf, and Nagi shouted.

Schuldig cringed, "Oops. The woman's mind was too forgetting. She forgot the thoughts I slipped into her head just moments ago..."

Brad looked ready to strangle the redhead, "If a car does not arrive soon, I'm going to strangle you!"

"A quickie, you mean?" Schuldig suggested.

"No!"

Eventually, they got a ride back to the city. Upon arriving, to their apartment, Schuldig collapsed, kissing the ground in joy.

"Oh thank---whoever! I thought we'd never make it back!"

"Schuldig...if you ever want me to kiss you again, you will stop right this instant," Brad rolled his eyes, as his hand searched in his pocket for his keys to unlock the apartment. _Not in that pocket. that's weird._ He checked his other pocket, but came up short.

"Come on! I have to use the bathroom!" Nagi pleaded.

"Schuldig, do you have the keys?"

"I...thought you had them," the telepath answered.

Brad turned to the boy who was now biting his lip, "Do you?"

"Why would I? No."

"Neither I," Farfello said, before he could be asked.

Faintly, Brad remembered the keys being left in the ignition of their totalled car, "Oh crap!" he smacked his forehead.

Epilogue...

Well, Nagi used his powers to get in the apartment. Duh.

Schuldig 'convinced' one of Takatori's lackeys to retrieve Brad's keys. He really wouldn't have bothered and suggested that they just change their locks, but it wasn't the keys that Brad wanted, it was his ten or so keychains that the American considered irreplaceable. 

Farfello never did find love in this fic, unless you count the 39 knives that he dearly missed in his absence from his cell.

Brad got a new pair of glasses, and threatened to re-arrange Nagi's face if he ever tried that stunt again.

All of Schwarz firmly agree that they will never go on vacation again.

Owari~

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Author's Notes: *stares in awe* I finally finished a fic. Wow. Well, I have to go back and make sure spelling and grammar is perfect and that there are no stupid mistakes. Speaking of mistakes, anyone notice that this fic makes no sense whatsoever? I mean, I'm the author and I couldn't even picture half the stuff...especially the setting of the cliff, the path to the...path to the road... The cave was totally random. And I made everything seem so much longer...unless they were all just walking really slowly. o_O;; Ah well, hope you enjoyed it anyway...


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